Author: kiddy@admin

How to raise a helpful child

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Lead by Example

If you want a child to do something, it helps to have them witness you doing it as well as the result that came from it. Whenever you’re finished with a project, clean up your mess.

When finished eating, take your plate, utensils, and glass to the sink. Organize your things so that you know where they are when you need them.

Children see this and are more likely to also clean up after themselves.  If you’re leaving a mess everywhere then they will have a harder time understanding why cleaning up is important.

Label the Positive

Notice the times that they do something helpful and praise them, telling them they’re a good helper.

When we use character traits like “good helper” or “very helpful”, over time children begin to make that part of their personality.  The more you label them as being a helper, the more they will believe it to be true.

Delegate and Praise

Give them tasks throughout the day to practice their helpful skills. The more they practice, the better they’ll learn.  And every time they do something helpful, praise them.

Make it Fun

For younger kids, singing the clean-up song is a huge help in picking up toys, but even as they get older it’s fun to add any songs and even a little dance to the process of cleaning up. Counting helps too. Count toys picked up, cutlery put away, and the number of pens and crayons you find.

Fit for all Ages

It’s easier to raise a helpful child earlier in development than later, but it is possible to teach older children to be helpful. All of the same tips apply with a slightly different approach.

As they get older you can explain things more. Explain why you need help, why it’s important for them to take more responsibility, how important it is to work together, and that every person finds their own rhythm when it comes to cleaning, organizing, and helping others, but the end result is the same. Taking care of your things, taking care of shared items, and treating others the way you want to be treated.

Raising a helpful child can be a truly daunting challenge at times. Especially if it seems like one more item to add to the never-ending to-do list. But it doesn’t have to be a frustrating endeavour.

By leading by example, staying positive, and having fun, it is possible to turn the most stubborn mess maker into a happy, helpful partner. One step at a time. One day at a time.

Should I shout?

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Shouting does not make a someone a terrible parent.  I bet that most people shout because they are GOOD parents.

You see good parents try. They want to do better. They have expectations for their children.  They get frustrated when their children don’t live up to those expectations.

They are worn down because they work all day to take care of their families.  They try hard to make sure that their children have everything that they need.

They feel bad that they can’t do enough, or that they just aren’t enough for their children.

So it’s not surprising that we lose it every once in a while.

Bad parents don’t feel those things.  Bad parents don’t try.  Bad parents don’t feel the guilt.  They don’t get run down trying to do it all.

Because we are good parents, we work so hard and feel so much guilt and frustration that we get overwhelmed frustrated and angry.

Good parents feel so many emotions, including anger, and bad parents don’t.

I Am Permanently Damaging My Children?

FALSE

Oh the guilt of shouting can be so heavy.

We know it’s not good for our kids, and there are articles after articles online telling us so.

But let me tell you, shouting may not be permanently damaging to children.

In every healthy relationship there’s a balance between positive moments and negative moments.  There have been studies and they show that for every negative moment, we need five positive interactions to keep the relationship healthy and in balance. These studies were done with couples, but have been applied to the parent/child relationship as well.

Positive interactions can be small, a smile, a touch, small gestures.  I bet you do a lot of those small gestures with your children throughout the day.

We are all going to get angry and do things that we aren’t so proud of, it’s how we make up for those things that count.

The trick is to keep things in balance.  If you feel like you need help with this, check out myth #5 below.

  • Don’t believe these myths about shouting.
  • You ARE a good parent.
  • You are NOT permanently damaging your children.
  • You are NOT the only one who shouts.
  • You CAN stop shouting.
  • But you might shout again, and that’s okay.

How to shop with your kiddies

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Walking to the shop, take a deep breath.  This shopping trip can go well!! 

As we’re shopping let your children help you pick out fruit and veggies in the produce department, enjoying counting the number of apples they add to the bag, the different colours of peppers to choose from, and the funny names of the melons.

Set Expectations

Before going into the store tell your children exactly what you expect from them. 

Expect that they:

  • will stay nearby and not run through the store
  • will try to be aware of other people and not get in their way
  • will not throw a fit if they don’t get something
  • will be helpful and participate in the process.
  • Before we step foot in the store, remind them of my expectations.

Make A List

Go armed in the supermarket with clipboards, paper, and pencils, ready to check off each and everything on your lists.

  • Giving them a helpful children friendly activity or task keeps them engaged in the shopping experience.
  • Make Kids Your Helper
  • continually engaging the children in the shopping process.

Not only does this keep them from getting bored and restless, it also teaches them how to shop.

If you use these new tools, most of the time you will actually enjoy your shopping trips together.  It’s not always perfect and there will be times when you have a rough day, but that’s life?

The best books for happy kids

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Experts say that there are three very important times of day to connect with your children, when they first wake up, when they get home from school, and at bedtime.

Because bedtime is usually a chore, we’ve picked out the best books that make both you and your children laugh-out-loud.  After all, there’s no better medicine than laughter…

I Broke My Trunk; by Mo Willems

These books are amazing!  They are seriously funny for both kids and adults. The series is about two friends, Elephant and Piggy, and their hilariously funny conversations.  These books are witty, a bit quirky and always end in hilarious, unexpected ways.

Stuck; by Oliver Jeffers

The authors books are quirky and funny for both parents and kids.  Stuck , is a story of a boy whose kite gets stuck in a tree, so he throws up his shoe to get it down, but that gets stuck too.  Oh but he’s not deterred, this boy is determined to get down his kite…no matter what.  Things spiral a bit out of control in this book, and the boy’s antics will leave any kid rolling on the floor with laughter.

The book with no pictures; by B.J. Novak

The premise of this children’s book is that whoever reads the book, the storyteller has to read every word….no matter how silly the word is.  So parents are stuck yelling words like “Blork!” and sentences. Is there any better way to get kids to laugh, than by making the adults in their lives look silly?  

A Perfectly Messed-Up Story; by Patrick McDonnell

It’s a story about a boy named Louie, who just wants to tell you a story, but keeps getting interrupted by…you.  How dare you drop peanut butter and jelly on him when he’s telling his story?!  These little instructions send little Louie over the edge a bit, and he has to learn to persevere and be okay with a little bit of a mess.  

Why children get grumpy after school

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When things get hard, we fall apart on the people we feel safest with. Think about it.  After a hearing terrible news or during a hard day at work you’re able to keep it all together and not cry. But as soon as you see your safe person (husband, Mum, best friend) you end up a blubbering mess.

Kids do the same thing.

It takes a great deal of emotional and mental work to follow the rules throughout the day, especially for little kids.

Each time your child refrains from hitting that boy who took his toy, holds up her hand and covers her mouth so she doesn’t speak out of turn, or stops himself from running down the hall to break time, they have to restrain themselves.  This restraint builds and builds, almost like a bubble.

Then they walk into their safe place, and POP!  They can finally let loose and stop having to restrain themselves. They get to let it all go.

Honestly, it’s a good thing that your child feels safe enough to fall apart at home.

But, as a parent, that’s hard to deal with.  It’s frustrating when you have a child who hasn’t had a tantrum in months come home from school and cry and whine about every single thing.

How can you help your child with the transition from home to school so they don’t have to struggle, and you don’t get so frustrated?

Greet Without the Questions

When you see your child after a long day of school, you want to know about their day.  So you ask questions like “How was your day?”, “Do you have homework?”, “Did you get into trouble?”, “What did you do?”, “Did you make friends?”

No one likes to be bombarded with questions or grilled about their day as soon as they walk in the door.

By asking lots of questions, you could stress out your child, especially if they had a hard day.

Instead of asking them a million and a half questions as soon as you see them, greet them with statements like: “It’s good to see you again.” and “Welcome home”.  Then ask, “Do you want to tell me about your day now or at dinner?”  This gives him the power to decide when to talk.

When you ask about their day, keep the questions open-ended:

  • “What was your favourite part of the day?”
  • “What kinds of things did you do at school today?”
  • “Who did you play with today?”
  • “What new thing did you learn today?”

Ask questions that can’t be answered with yes or no.

These prevent one worded answers like “fine” and open up a conversation about school.

Please connect and ask, but do it at a time when your child is ready to talk.

Feed Them. When our blood sugar gets low and our tummies grumble it’s understandable that we get snippy and short tempered.

  • When your child’s stomach is full, they are less likely to be frustrated and angry.
  • Allow for Downtime
  • Give kids time to be kids.  Allow them to have time to play and let loose.

Children need to play, it’s how they process their world and handle their stress.  So, on particularly stressful days, it’s important that they get time for kids entertainment and play.

How to spend quality time with your children

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The ten o’clock news hasn’t even started, but you’re too exhausted to watch — who can stay awake that late? Car pools, lunch bags, after-school activities, dinner, homework, bath time, bedtime. All on top of your own job (or jobs) and the other realities of adulthood. You have just enough energy left to drag yourself to bed so you can wake early and start the routine all over again. Each day with young kids feels like a week, each week like a month.

Yet as every birthday party passes, the years seem to be streaking by at warp speed. Five-month-olds become 5-year-olds in the blink of an eye, and then 15-year-olds. This inexorable march of time that turns babies into big kids is the “other” biological clock facing young couples. Every day brings new growth, new milestones, and new wonderment, but the challenges of juggling our adult lives often prevent us from fully appreciating the delicate nuances of childhood.

Your children need to spend meaningful time with you. They need to see who you are and how you live your life. And in return, they will help you to better see who you are.

However, instead of worrying about how many minutes you can spend with your children each day, focus on turning those minutes into memorable moments. Parents often compensate for having such a small quantity of time by scheduling “quality time.” Two hours at the nature preserve. An afternoon at the movies. Dinner at a restaurant. But the truth is that quality time may occur when you least expect it — yes, at the nature preserve, but also in the car on the way to ballet practice.

Not every day with your kids will be perfect, but hopefully one day you will greet their departure with a profound sense of satisfaction because you’ve given them what they need to succeed and also given yourself what you need to feel like a successful parent. Although I don’t know how to slow down time, I do have some ideas on how to optimize the time you spend with your kids — while they are still tucked into their beds, where you can peek at them before you go to sleep.

DIY It Together

Home improvements are a great way to spend time with them while teaching them about tools and life at the same time. Give them a torch, and talk them through the job you’re doing. As they get older, hold the torch for them. Instead of dreading things that break, you’ll see new tiles, built-in shelves, and paint jobs as bonus chances for time with your kids.

Don’t Drive Everywhere

The minutes that we “save” by driving our children a short distance to the park or a friend’s house are actually priceless moments that we lose in the name of convenience. The next time you need to take your children somewhere nearby, try to get there on foot. Walking with your kids is a great way to slow down the pace of your lives and to have more unscripted moments with them. Talk about where you’re going, what you’re thinking, what they’re thinking, what you see on the way, and who said what to whom in school today. Hold hands if your kids haven’t got too old for that yet. If you’re dropping them off somewhere (a playdate, a piano lesson, football) and would normally drive away and return again later, take along a backpack with work or reading and find a quiet place to wait until they’re finished. The hour or two that you have alone in a coffee shop or under a shade tree will help you slow down and stay sane. Then pick up your child and walk back home together.

Play Their Games

If you decide to bring video games into your home, do your best to screen them and even learn how to play them so you can experience this part of your kids’ world. It’s a good thing for children to occasionally see their parents as human. Second, there will be guaranteed laughing at your lack of winning. Finally, some games have somewhat redeeming virtual reality, because they mimic real-world activities such as table tennis, bowling, baseball, skiing, and dancing (which are certainly much better than games where you blow each other up). But set time limits, lest their virtual realities take over their reality.

All in all, have fun with your kids as they won’t be a kid forever!!

How to motivate a teen

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You can motivate your teens with encouragement which is very different from trying to get your teens to do what you want.

There is one sure-fire way to get your kids to keep their agreements, and it’s called follow-through. It may be a lot of work for you in the beginning, but it will be worth every minute of the time you spend to train both you and your teen to use better habits.

Read these four steps, the four traps, and the four hints for successful follow- through again and again, because they are very different from how you would normally respond as a parent—and as a human.

You must be there at the first deadline to set up the follow-through. It won’t work in the long run without you there in the beginning.

If you moan or complain that using follow-through is too much work, track how much time you spend reminding and nagging your teen instead. Notice the effect that nagging has on you and on your teen. Keep a checklist of how often the task you are nagging about actually gets done. We call this a reality check.

Follow-through will help you use fewer words and your kids will hear you better.

Don’t hesitate to prepare in advance and maybe even practice with a friend. You can always read self-help books or see a live demonstration. It helps!

We do not recommend making contracts with your teens. If you need to write information down as a reminder for both of you, that is respectful and effective. Setting up a contract means you are treating your teenager like a client or an adversary. If you do sign a contract, don’t be surprised by your teen’s attitudes.

How to get a routine going with homework

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Getting organized, doing homework, and having gun can be difficult. With a prepared itinerary, you can manage your time well, have fun and get everything you need to done. Time management is also a useful life skill. The more you manage, the more you get done. By practicing at an early age, you are preparing for your future.

Keep track of all your homework in a day planner. Write down the homework and assignments you get from each class, including tests or exams you may have to study for. If you keep track of your homework by writing it down in one place, this will help you organize it later on. 

Begin to design a homework schedule that will generally work for you every day. Take a blank notebook and use it for homework. Each day, make a chart for homework. The chart should have 3 columns-the type of homework (maths homework, English essay, etc.), the due date, and the priority. For example, if you have a science project due tomorrow and a math test the day after, the science project would be number one in the priority column and the math test number two. 

Work your schedule around your homework. For example, every Monday you come home, eat a snack and start your homework right away, so you’ll be ready for your piano lesson later on in the evening. Every Tuesday, you might meet your friend for coffee right after school, then come home and begin your homework. Make your schedule personalized to your life and the homework you get. 

Consider making an official schedule in Microsoft Excel or Apple Numbers. This will help you better keep track of your time and your homework

Get in the habit of starting your homework the day you get it, even if it’s not due for a long while. 

Make sure you choose a quiet and practical spot to complete your homework, where you’ll have everything you need and be without distractions.

Do your best work, don’t go quickly just to finish your homework.

Don’t worry if you have to try a few schedules before you find one you like.

Try to stick to the schedule once you’ve found one that works for you. You will become more consistent.

Clamping with the kids

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So what is glamping?  It is a term that means glamorous camping and has become synonymous with luxury camping – no more leaky tents or sites where you wake up with no tent because the wind is so high!  Glamping is all about having a unique experience that allows people to see things they would otherwise miss but no sacrificing comfort and amenities to do this. 

Glamping is also an eco-friendly option because many of the venues offering this type of break are made with environmentally friendly concerns foremost to the mind.  It takes a lot of resources to build and run even a small hotel but nowhere near as much to build a luxury treehouse or to convert and upgrade a caravan.

Glamping is a worldwide trend that allows people to stay somewhere unique.  Here in the UK we already have a wide range of exciting glamping spots.  One such example is the yurt at Springhill Farm campsite in East Sussex.  Complete with a double bed and inflatable furniture, the yurt is built in the style once used by Genghis Khan with a few modern touches and cooking is done in a fire pit outside.  The site is near Ashdown Forest, so perfect for a walk the next morning.

If you loved treehouses as a kid, then staying in one will be a perfect escape as an adult.  There are a number of treehouse glamping providers spread around the country and these are treehouses in the lap of luxury.  Enjoy a session in the hot tub before turning in for the night or take the whole family along in a treehouse that can house up to eight people.

Champing

Champing is perhaps the newest addition to the camping idea and involved staying in a historic church and using it as a base for a range of activities for children and sightseeing in the area.  The Churches Conservation Trust say there are currently 347 churches spread around the UK that are no longer places of worship and so are being made available for people to spend the night. 

Why is it good?

Camping, glamping and champing all offer different facilities and styles for holidaymakers but there is a hidden benefit to it all.  In a study conducted by the Institute of Education at Plymouth University, in collaboration with the Camping and Caravanning Club, it was shown that kids who spend at least one holiday each year camping outdoors do better in school than those that don’t.

The study involved asking parents across the country a series of question studying the educational, social and psychological benefits of camping to children of all ages.  The study discovered that four out of five parents thought that camping had a positive effect on school education of their children.

It also showed that 98% of parents believed their kids were more connected with nature due to their camping experience and appreciated the outdoors more while 95% thought the kids were happier.  93% thought that children learned skills that would be beneficial later in life because of their camping holidays.

Conclusion

So the evidence is clear from the study – camping is good for you and your children.  But with the range of options such as glamping in a treehouse or champing in a historic church, camping no longer needs to be something only done in the very best weather.  For people who aren’t so keen on putting up the tent in the middle of a field, there are now plenty of other options that allow all the benefits of camping with a little luxury included as well.  And after the holiday is over, the children will go back to school invigorated and filled with exciting stories to tell their teachers and friends that will continue to benefit them for some time afterwards.

October half term

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The school summer holidays have nearly come to an and end and the October half term is nearly upon us.

The October half term is often the last chance that the family get to take a break together in the year before the preparations for Christmas begin and the weather takes a serious decline.  Autumn can be a beautiful time to have a short holiday in the UK and there are plenty of places offering deals for the October half term break as well as special events taking place.

Visiting the countryside

One of the best places to head in autumn is to the forest – with the wealth of colours on show, the forest is a spectacular scene.  Add to that the wildlife can be a little easier to spot after their breeding season is finished while seasonal plants such as mushrooms and berries appear, there is plenty to see.

One of the top places to get close to wildlife is to stay at one of the Centre Parcs resorts around the country.  There are five notable forest locations on offer from the chain – Whinfell Forest, Sherwood Forest, Elvenden Forest, Woburn Forest and Longleat Forest.

Whinfell Forest is within the Lake District area and sits on the side of the lake so can offer a range of water sports as well as wildlife spotting opportunities.  The centre is at the heart of a 400-acre woodland site while indoor features include a subtropical swimming pool with a daredevil ride called the Canyon Ride for the bravest.

Sherwood Forest is one of the most well-known forests in the country with its connections to the story of Robin Hood.  The Centre Parcs venue in the forest offers the chance to explore the famous woodland as well as enjoy a number of activities that are best in the woods such as quad biking or owl encounters.

Elvenden Forest is a 400-acre site in Suffolk, offering a great range of outdoor activities as well as the calming effect of the forest itself for walks.  There is even a unique experience called cable water skiing to try as well as kayaking, canoeing and even raft building.

Woburn Forest is just over an hour from London and is one of the newest sites, covering some 365 acres of woodland as well as lakes and beautiful views across the countryside.  There are aerial trekking routes, abseiling and climbing opportunities as well as the indoor facilities such as the subtropical swimming pool.

Longleat Forest is close to the famous Longleat Estate and its Safari Park so is a great place to use as a base to visit both.  The Wiltshire park allows the chance to see the century old Giant Redwoods as well as tour the forest with the land train or join in water activities on the lake.

Haven are another big name in the holiday business that offer a range of special deals for the October half term.  These include special deals for the whole family as well as touring and camping offers that are ideal for those who prefer something a little less formal for their breaks.

Bluestone are also offering a range of competitive deals for the October break that combine the chance to get up close to nature with the indoor facilities of the centre such as the climbing wall and the swimming pool.  Close by is an impressive outdoor activity centre with a challenging zip wire course some 60 feet in the air as well as tree top walks and the chance to watch the sun go down from a campfire among the trees.