When things get hard, we fall apart on the people we feel safest with. Think about it. After a hearing terrible news or during a hard day at work you’re able to keep it all together and not cry. But as soon as you see your safe person (husband, Mum, best friend) you end up a blubbering mess.
Kids do the same thing.
It takes a great deal of emotional and mental work to follow the rules throughout the day, especially for little kids.
Each time your child refrains from hitting that boy who took his toy, holds up her hand and covers her mouth so she doesn’t speak out of turn, or stops himself from running down the hall to break time, they have to restrain themselves. This restraint builds and builds, almost like a bubble.
Then they walk into their safe place, and POP! They can finally let loose and stop having to restrain themselves. They get to let it all go.
Honestly, it’s a good thing that your child feels safe enough to fall apart at home.
But, as a parent, that’s hard to deal with. It’s frustrating when you have a child who hasn’t had a tantrum in months come home from school and cry and whine about every single thing.
How can you help your child with the transition from home to school so they don’t have to struggle, and you don’t get so frustrated?
Greet Without the Questions
When you see your child after a long day of school, you want to know about their day. So you ask questions like “How was your day?”, “Do you have homework?”, “Did you get into trouble?”, “What did you do?”, “Did you make friends?”
No one likes to be bombarded with questions or grilled about their day as soon as they walk in the door.
By asking lots of questions, you could stress out your child, especially if they had a hard day.
Instead of asking them a million and a half questions as soon as you see them, greet them with statements like: “It’s good to see you again.” and “Welcome home”. Then ask, “Do you want to tell me about your day now or at dinner?” This gives him the power to decide when to talk.
When you ask about their day, keep the questions open-ended:
- “What was your favourite part of the day?”
- “What kinds of things did you do at school today?”
- “Who did you play with today?”
- “What new thing did you learn today?”
Ask questions that can’t be answered with yes or no.
These prevent one worded answers like “fine” and open up a conversation about school.
Please connect and ask, but do it at a time when your child is ready to talk.
Feed Them. When our blood sugar gets low and our tummies grumble it’s understandable that we get snippy and short tempered.
- When your child’s stomach is full, they are less likely to be frustrated and angry.
- Allow for Downtime
- Give kids time to be kids. Allow them to have time to play and let loose.
Children need to play, it’s how they process their world and handle their stress. So, on particularly stressful days, it’s important that they get time for kids entertainment and play.
