The ten o’clock news hasn’t even started, but you’re too exhausted to watch — who can stay awake that late? Car pools, lunch bags, after-school activities, dinner, homework, bath time, bedtime. All on top of your own job (or jobs) and the other realities of adulthood. You have just enough energy left to drag yourself to bed so you can wake early and start the routine all over again. Each day with young kids feels like a week, each week like a month.
Yet as every birthday party passes, the years seem to be streaking by at warp speed. Five-month-olds become 5-year-olds in the blink of an eye, and then 15-year-olds. This inexorable march of time that turns babies into big kids is the “other” biological clock facing young couples. Every day brings new growth, new milestones, and new wonderment, but the challenges of juggling our adult lives often prevent us from fully appreciating the delicate nuances of childhood.
Your children need to spend meaningful time with you. They need to see who you are and how you live your life. And in return, they will help you to better see who you are.
However, instead of worrying about how many minutes you can spend with your children each day, focus on turning those minutes into memorable moments. Parents often compensate for having such a small quantity of time by scheduling “quality time.” Two hours at the nature preserve. An afternoon at the movies. Dinner at a restaurant. But the truth is that quality time may occur when you least expect it — yes, at the nature preserve, but also in the car on the way to ballet practice.
Not every day with your kids will be perfect, but hopefully one day you will greet their departure with a profound sense of satisfaction because you’ve given them what they need to succeed and also given yourself what you need to feel like a successful parent. Although I don’t know how to slow down time, I do have some ideas on how to optimize the time you spend with your kids — while they are still tucked into their beds, where you can peek at them before you go to sleep.
DIY It Together
Home improvements are a great way to spend time with them while teaching them about tools and life at the same time. Give them a torch, and talk them through the job you’re doing. As they get older, hold the torch for them. Instead of dreading things that break, you’ll see new tiles, built-in shelves, and paint jobs as bonus chances for time with your kids.
Don’t Drive Everywhere
The minutes that we “save” by driving our children a short distance to the park or a friend’s house are actually priceless moments that we lose in the name of convenience. The next time you need to take your children somewhere nearby, try to get there on foot. Walking with your kids is a great way to slow down the pace of your lives and to have more unscripted moments with them. Talk about where you’re going, what you’re thinking, what they’re thinking, what you see on the way, and who said what to whom in school today. Hold hands if your kids haven’t got too old for that yet. If you’re dropping them off somewhere (a playdate, a piano lesson, football) and would normally drive away and return again later, take along a backpack with work or reading and find a quiet place to wait until they’re finished. The hour or two that you have alone in a coffee shop or under a shade tree will help you slow down and stay sane. Then pick up your child and walk back home together.
Play Their Games
If you decide to bring video games into your home, do your best to screen them and even learn how to play them so you can experience this part of your kids’ world. It’s a good thing for children to occasionally see their parents as human. Second, there will be guaranteed laughing at your lack of winning. Finally, some games have somewhat redeeming virtual reality, because they mimic real-world activities such as table tennis, bowling, baseball, skiing, and dancing (which are certainly much better than games where you blow each other up). But set time limits, lest their virtual realities take over their reality.
All in all, have fun with your kids as they won’t be a kid forever!!
