You can motivate your teens with encouragement which is very different from trying to get your teens to do what you want.
There is one sure-fire way to get your kids to keep their agreements, and it’s called follow-through. It may be a lot of work for you in the beginning, but it will be worth every minute of the time you spend to train both you and your teen to use better habits.
Read these four steps, the four traps, and the four hints for successful follow- through again and again, because they are very different from how you would normally respond as a parent—and as a human.
You must be there at the first deadline to set up the follow-through. It won’t work in the long run without you there in the beginning.
If you moan or complain that using follow-through is too much work, track how much time you spend reminding and nagging your teen instead. Notice the effect that nagging has on you and on your teen. Keep a checklist of how often the task you are nagging about actually gets done. We call this a reality check.
Follow-through will help you use fewer words and your kids will hear you better.
Don’t hesitate to prepare in advance and maybe even practice with a friend. You can always read self-help books or see a live demonstration. It helps!
We do not recommend making contracts with your teens. If you need to write information down as a reminder for both of you, that is respectful and effective. Setting up a contract means you are treating your teenager like a client or an adversary. If you do sign a contract, don’t be surprised by your teen’s attitudes.
